Tuesday, March 8, 2011
One minute, I was 'daddy's little girl', and the next, I wasn't. One minute, I had a daddy, and the next, I was left with only memories.
In an instant I felt 6 yrs. old again. All I wanted was my daddy to make it better, the way he always did. I needed him to slay the dragons and make the monsters under my bed disappear, but this time he couldn't. This time the dragons and monsters would win and suddenly the world seemed cold and frightening.
Losing my dad made me come to the realization that there was nobody left on this earth that would think I was perfect. No one left that would see me as flawless. Not that I am, far from it in fact, but when I looked into my dad's eyes I knew that's what he thought. Don't get me wrong, I am loved, unconditionally even, but they see my flaws and love me in spite of them. My dad just never saw them.
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I don't think I've been honoring him the way I should. I've been stumbling through the days. Taking care of my daily duties, but not really living. Allowing grief to take me prisoner and feeling like I've surrendered. My dad would be disappointed in that.
So... if I close my eyes and listen with my heart, I can hear him. I can hear that low, deep, booming voice, and he is telling me...'Sis, it's time to live again. I have given you everything you need to slay those dragons on your own.'
I guess it's time I sharpen my dagger.