Tuesday, September 14, 2010

It's in the Mustard...Of Course!

I asked for a "sign"...I needed a sign... Sometimes they come in the strangest forms...but they always come.

I'm sitting here feeling very "magenta" right now.  Anyone out there who loves the Golden Girls will totally get what I'm saying. For the others, it comes from an episode when Blanche referred to her mood as the color, magenta.

All kinds of feelings tumblin' all over themselves. You aren't really blue because you aren't really sad. You feel a little jealous, but you wouldn't say you were green with envy. And you might feel scared, but you wouldn't call yourself yellow. I hate that feeling, and I hate the color magenta.  That's why I named it that. (paraphrased but you get the idea)

Well right now, I am Magenta.

I've been looking for a sign to tell us that we are doing the right thing.  That leaving for California in less than two days is where we are suppose to be.

I feel guilty leaving. My dad's health hasn't been good for some time now and although he is doing better than he has in years, it still seems selfish of me to leave. I struggle with that.

My mom is currently out of town on her yearly girls vacation.  It's something she needs to recharge her batteries and something she deserves more than anyone I know.  I have to tell her today that we will be gone when she returns. It will be hard on her.  It will be hard on me.  It's just hard.

Our son is coming home from the Marines for a 10 day leave the same day we will be leaving.  We won't get to see him.  We haven't seen him since last Christmas and we've been looking so forward to some time with him.  He is stationed in San Diego and that is where we are headed, so we keep telling ourselves that we will get to see him when he gets back.  The only problem with that is, he told us yesterday that when he returns from leave he will be out on the boat for a month or so.

He gets deployed for the first time in Jan. or Feb. so we have been trying REALLY hard to get this job so we might be able to see him off.  Or at least see him more often before he leaves.  Now that we finally get to go, our plans of spending time with him may not work out as well as we hoped.

Still, in my heart I feel like we need to go.  The job is a great job.  Good money. And the adventure is something I look forward to.  So far, Joel's job has taken us to Saginaw, Cleveland, Washington State, Florida and Georgia. We've met great people and seen parts of our beautiful Country that we probably would have never gotten to do otherwise.

Yet, I have still been waiting for a sign.

SOMETHING to let me know it's time.  SOMETHING to let me know it's right.

Then, there it was....in a bottle of mustard.

This morning I was packing Joel's lunch like I always do . I made his sandwiches and put the mayo and mustard in separate containers, just the way he likes it.

As I put the mustard into the container IT happened. The sign.

PPthhhttttt!!!! ( <----- that's that farting noise a bottle makes when it's at the end...I obviously have no idea how you spell that)

The mustard ran out.  It was a bottle of mustard we have had since we got back from our last long trip.  I know it was from that trip because it was a Publix brand mustard bottle and we don't have those stores here. (Evidently, we don't eat a lot of mustard because we returned from that trip in December.)

But there it was...a CLEAR sign.

It's time to go. It's time for our next adventure.

How much clearer can a sign be?

We need to buy more mustard.


  1. IT sounds exciting. I think that you are right on with your sign. Have fun, make the most of it and enjoy (I know you will!)

  2. And how about that. Your BEST post yet. First, San Diego is beautiful. I hope you love it. Second, PLEASE POST PICTURES! We want to know everything.

    I like you like this. Open, honest, and vulnerable.

    My good friend told me that I need to be like this more often. And now I see it. It's true.

  3. Love this.

    You are all fragile and vulnerable in your words, but it is clear that in your life? You are strong and powerful. That juxtaposition of weakness and strength?

    Of acknowledging your fears even as you march forward to meet them?

    It is endearing and it draws me in. Makes me want to know you better. Makes me want to know what comes next for you. Makes me want the best for you.


    For me?

    When I am looking around for signs that the change I am about to make is for the best? That means that inside myself, I already know that the change is for the best. I am just looking for external validation.

    And a mustard fart will more than do.

    Trust in your heart.

    This is going to be great!

  4. Thank you Kris..

    I appreciate your feedback and when you talk about looking for external validation I think you hit the nail on the head. Most of the time we know in our heart what's best, but having the courage to follow your heart is sometimes scary. I guess feeling like there is some sort of "sign" is just our way of making it "okay" to take that leap!

    We have already met some obstacles on our "adventure", but what would an adventure be if everything went smoothly. I'm finding adversity truly does reveal your character!