I wasn't sure I would ever write about this. I wasn't sure I wanted to go back there, but it's part of me. It happened a long time ago, but it still affects me. I can't write about it all at once, so I'll take it in steps...baby steps. One post at a time...when I'm up to writing about it. This is where it began....
We all have days that change us... forever.
For me, September 18,1997 was one of those days.
Full day of teaching, followed by volleyball practice. Then, the plan was to run home, change clothes and return to town for the homecoming parade.
I had volunteered to take over senior class advisor responsibilities for a good friend who was dealing with her own life changing events.
What do they say about best laid plans?
On my way home from practice, all my plans would change.
It was like slow motion...driving along...approaching an intersection...and all of the sudden a car pulls out in front of me.
I tried to swerve, hoping she'd see me and put on the brakes.
She didn't.
Awful noises...tires squealing...glass breaking...metal crushing.
Then for a moment....silence.
A face appears at my door. I know her. A student of mine...a volleyball player. She too had left practice only moments before. I can see in her face she is scared.
I see some blood running down the side of her face. She asks if I'm okay.
I'm not.
She starts to scream...I tell her to go get help...she leaves.
As I'm waiting I looked down at my legs. Something isn't right. My right leg looks... wrong. It's crossed over my left leg.
I'm not thinking straight. I pull myself over to the passenger seat. I somehow think this will fix my leg.
Of course, it doesn't. Now my leg is facing the driver's side door.
Someone opens the driver's door...she takes my hand. It is another student who lives nearby. She is a quiet girl. A sweet girl. I am crying out in pain, I think. She holds my hand and caresses it. She is telling me everything will be fine. I'm not sure I believe her, but I appreciate her sitting with me.
From then on I just hear noise...lots of noise. Sirens...voices...the sound of metal sawing. The pain is getting worse....
I hear..."Life Flight"...this can't be good, right.
I'm removed from the car...put in the helicopter...the pain is excruciating.
I'm begging for relief.
I don't care how they stop the pain...Please God, just let it stop.
It doesn't.
The hospital is bright. It is loud and I'm scared.
Doctors...nurses...these strangers that don't know me. They don't know I am always the tough one. They don't know that if I'm crying I must really be in pain...that I must REALLY be frightened. They just don't know.
There is someone standing over me...standing ON the table, looking down on me. He grabs my mangled leg. The pain is indescribable...He pulls hard on my leg...I am SCREAMING!
He lets go of my leg....It POPS loudly...the pain is making me sick. He pulls on my leg again...again I am screaming. He lets go...it POPS again! Please God...please let this end.
Whatever he is doing, is not working. Yet he grabs my leg once AGAIN! He pulls...I have no strength left to scream...I think I am praying to die.
I don't WANT to die..I just want the pain to stop..I NEED the pain to stop!
I hear my dad's voice. His voice is undeniable...it is low and strong and I can tell he is angry....scared. He doesn't understand what they are doing. All he knows is that his little girl is hurting and he feels helpless. He doesn't know that hearing his voice gives me strength...he IS helping...he just doesn't know.
They are taking me somewhere...I feel a hand on my head. My eyes open and I look up to see Reverend Haller standing over me. He leans over and whispers to me..."I'm not here because it's that bad honey...I'm here because I Love you." His words calm me...I KNOW he is telling me the truth. I KNOW I will be okay, but I also know it won't be for a long time. I can tell I am "broken".
The next thing I remember I open my eyes...it's dark, but I can see my mom sitting in the corner of the room. I may be an adult, but I needed my mom. I needed her, and she was there...there was never a doubt...she is ALWAYS there.
I don't feel pain...I don't feel anything ...I'm numb.
That would change soon....sooner than I would like...but it's part of this journey.
So much ahead of me...but this is the day it began. This is a day that would change me...Forever.
I just didn't know...how much.
Nothing I comment will really mean anything, but I wanted to, all the same. I'm sorry you had to go through that.
ReplyDeleteThank you Reckless...just the fact that you commented means a lot. We all have our obstacles...our challenges...this was mine. I learned many lessons...mostly about myself.
ReplyDeleteThese obstacles and challenges are there to make us keep learning about ourselves...growing mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Love you Tonya! Thank you!
ReplyDeleteOh, I remember this day. I can't even imagine everything you went through. Or the girl that hit you.
ReplyDeleteI usually keep up on here. Somehow I missed this one. Especially because I know all of you....I was bawling reading this. I'm sorry your whole family went through this. I am so happy you are where you are now though. xoxo
ReplyDeleteThanks! Many lessons learned during that time...many blessings also!!
ReplyDeleteOK, so I read the post to which you directed me, and didn't comment. I understand the magic of 3:00 am, but I didn't know why you found magic in that early hour. So I hesitated.
ReplyDeleteI wasn't positive what had happened. So I found the link back to this story.
And now tears are streaming down my face.
I know it was a long time ago, but the immediacy of your words and your emotion took me right there.
My younger sister was hit by a car many years ago. I have not told that story.
Her story is different than yours.
But she also survived.
And it was long and hard.
Seriously, tears.
There should not be this sort of pain in the world.
Love you, strong woman.
I'm a new reader, found you from Pretty All True's Featured Bloggers. You are an amazing woman and an amazing writer.
ReplyDeleteThanks for taking the time Brandi..hope you come back..Kris from Pretty All True is Pretty All AWESOME!!!
ReplyDeleteI am so glad Kris directed us here. This is the first one I'm reading, and as awful a story as it is, you told it beautifully. I felt like I was there with you. It takes guts and heart to write about something so traumatic. I'm sorry to hear you had to go through this. Nobody should have to deal with such pain and uncertainty.
ReplyDeleteI'll be commenting as I read further, so forgive me for the upcoming comment onslaught.
Roxane-
ReplyDeleteKris totally made my day by including me as one of her featured bloggers...and I was so lucky to find YOURS thru her site as well! I look forward to ALL your comments...good, bad or ugly I LOVE the feedback!