Friday, October 22, 2010


With halloween approaching, it got me thinking....about FEAR.  Things that scare the bageezus out of us.

When I was a child my biggest fears were the boogeyman and monsters under my bed.  Both, fears that would vanish with the comforting squeeze of my parents arms or the break of dawn. Because it's common knowledge that boogeymen and monsters don't exist in the daylight and your parents arms will protect you from everything.

Once I conquered those fears I'll be damned if new ones didn't take their place.

After  falling off the shoulders of a friend while trying to perfect my cheerleading dismount, I broke my jaw and several teeth and I began to develop a fear. NO not of cheerleading, although that WAS the end of my cheerleading days.  I developed a fear of the dentist.

I know...that's a common fear, and having your jaw wired shut and several root canals will tend to make one leery.  However, I actually didn't start having, what I consider a phobia, until one dentist SCREAMED at me while I was in his chair.

He was supposed to LOOK that day.  No needles...JUST LOOK!  I had made sure to ask my mom that question a million times before we got there so I was sure that's all that would happen.

Me: Are you sure he's just looking today? I won't have ANY shots today, right mom?
Mom: No honey, no shots today.
Me: Oh okay, good, but you're POSITIVE, right? No shots at all today?
Mom: No honey...I shots at all today.
Me: Whew okay. ( a few minutes later) But you're SURE, right?

Then, he decides that he wants to do a double root canal instead and, I admittedly,  freaked out on his ass got a little upset.  For Christ's sake I was in like 5th grade. My mom wasn't too happy with him turning her into a liar either.  He then proceeded to SCREAM at me and told me to "SHUT UP...I was scaring his other patients!"

I should have bit his damn hand, but I just sat there and sobbed while my mom chewed his ass out.  To this day I break out in a cold sweat and have to be dragged, kicking and screaming, to the dentist.

Another fear I have is a fear of heights.  Yes, another common fear, but I'm only afraid if I'm in a situation where I feel I can fall.  Put me in the needle at Cedar Point or an airplane, no problem, but put my ass on a ferris wheel and I will become a lunatic and shit a purple cupcake.  I kid you not...A. PURPLE. CUPCAKE.  It isn't pretty.

I know it's common to develop fears.  They're like assholes...everybody's got one...or ten (well I don't know anyone that has ten assholes, that would be weird, but you know what I mean). I've had people tell me they aren't afraid of ANYTHING. Those people..well, those people, are just lying.  We ALL have fears.

The fears I have today aren't as easy to deal with, as dentists and heights.  The things that scare me today are sometimes too much to handle. Alone.

A phone call at 2 am.
The deployment of our son into a war zone.
Will our daughter find a good job? Will her fiance' keep her safe and happy?
Will my nephew grow up in a world that is less scary than it is today or will it only get scarier?
Am I making the right decisions?  Am I doing enough?  For my parents? For my husband?
The unknown.

Yes, I'm finding that there are some fears that can survive the light of day.  Some fears that don't vanish with a simple hug.   I'm also finding that we can overcome our fears by letting go.  Living each day fully so that if the unthinkable happens, we have no regrets.

Yes, we all have fears...and I am learning to conquer many of mine.

Well, except for my fear of clowns, but come on now... clowns are just FREAKIN' CREEPY!

*Go ahead...leave me a comment. Tell me what you fear and how you deal with it!!

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