Ricky...

During the course of a school day many things can frustrate a teacher.  Homework not being completed, unruly students, lack of needed materials and on and on, but then something will come along and put it all back in perspective for you.

On one particular day, it wasn't a 'something', but rather, a 'someone'.

Ricky.

I loved Ricky.  I know teachers aren't suppose to have favorites, but I'll let you in on a little secret...WE DO! (you're shocked I know)  Ricky was one of my favorites....No doubt about it.

Ricky was a student in one of my physical education classes.  He showed up every day, on time.  He dressed properly, always participated, and did his very best at whatever the activity was for the day. He never complained and he was the sweetest kid EVAH!

Oh, and he was legally blind.

As a teacher, I made as many modifications as I could to make Ricky's experience as positive and safe as possible.  However, it IS gym class.  There would be flying projectiles and uncoordinated, over-caffeinated kids running around and inevitably INTO one another.  Ricky and his parents were aware of the risks, but were adamant about allowing Ricky to participate in all class activities.

Well...okey dokey then.

During the indoor soccer unit I used a modified soccer ball that was neon green in color and had a beeping mechanism inside of it to help Ricky identify where the ball was.  This was a good idea in theory, but the reality was that after about 3 good kicks the beeping thingamajig no longer worked.  For the most part, it wasn't that big of a deal and Ricky did just fine.

Then one day, Ricky had a request....

Ricky: Mrs. Fig, can I change positions?


Me: Sure Ricky, where would you like to play?

Come on...guess... what position he wanted to play?

Yep...

Ricky: Cool...I want to be GOALIE!


Me: (Gulp) Oh...umm..are you SURE Ricky?  Don't you think that might be a little dangerous?

Ricky: Oh come on Mrs. Fig...what's the WORSE thing that can happen?


Of course I'm thinking...umm....well the worse thing is, you are going to get a ball kicked in your face and break your nose.  Then, my boss is going to say, 'What in the HELL were you thinking putting a blind kid in as GOALIE...are you INSANE?!

But...Ricky's parents made it VERY clear they wanted him to have no restrictions. I looked at his personal aide and she said, "Let's go for it.  I'll stand back there and help him by giving him play by play of where the ball is."

Well, okey dokey then.

Me: Okay Ricky, get in there.  Let's see what ya got kid.

The rest of my students looked at me like I'd lost my marbles (can you blame them?).   I just smiled and said, 'Okay, come on now, let's play."

Now the thing is, I had GREAT students.  They never complained when games needed to be modified and they were very good about looking out for Ricky.  So I knew that although they would play hard, they would also take a little off their shots on goal.

Well....MOST of my students would.

Everything was going fine and then one kid becomes a bone head.  He steals the ball and is headed towards Ricky.  He gets right in front of the goal and then unloads a super hard kick right at Ricky.

Ricky puts his hands up to try to deflect the ball, but he's a little late.  The ball hits Ricky in the face and ricochets through the goal.

I gasp...the rest of the students gasp..and Ricky shakes his head and says, "Did I stop it?"

Everyone smiles and starts to laugh...not in a mean, teasing way, but more in a 'you're something else kid' kind of way.  I say, "Sorry Ricky, he got that one past you."

Ricky: "Well...CRAP!"


Meanwhile...the kid who shot the goal is running around the gym...hootin' and hollerin'...and fist pumping, because he scored.

It's funny how sometimes as a teacher you don't have to say a word.  The other kids just looked at him and shook their heads.  One boy gave him a slug in the arm and said..."REALLY?"

And Ricky?

Ricky was PISSED.  He shook off the knock to his noggin' and says, "Come on guys, let's go.  I'll stop the next one."

Yeah, that's right...THAT'S Ricky.  You can see why he was one of my favorites, right!

I thought so.

1st Graders Suck Ass!

Ringggggg.

Hello? Oh umm...substitute for 1st grade tomorrow? Well, I'm actually only certified 7-12...Oh, it doesn't matter for substituting? Well then, yeah, I guess I can do that.  I mean how tough can 1st graders be? See you in the morning..Thank you!


THANK YOU???  Have I lost my fucking mind?  There was a reason I didn't get certified for elementary. That reason was I'm petrified of little kids and quite honestly, I don't really like them much until they hit puberty. I'm not a big fan of little people, so sue me. (For clarification, I'm referring to children here NOT "little people". I LOVE "little people"...in fact, "The Little Couple" is one of my favorite shows)

On my way to my assignment I try to give myself a pep talk.  Ok Tonya, now you can do this. It's your very first subbing assignment so DON'T fuck it up. Just don't let them see you sweat. Everything will be JUST fine.


8:15 am - Arrive at school. Check in at the office.

8:20 am - Enter classroom. Ooohh.. so many bright colors, looks like such a happy place. (who knew such evil lurked under that cheerful facade)

8:30 am - Go over teachers' lesson plan for the day. (Damn, she has high expectations. I was hoping for a lot of nap time and recess...shit)

8:45 am - Children begin to arrive. I'm greeted with..."You're not Miss So and So". 

Really? No shit kid, boy, I bet you're gonna be valedictorian some day.

9:00 am - Attendance taken...lunch money collected...I'm on my way!

9:05 am - "That's not how Miss So and So does it. Billy's touching me. We never do it THAT way. Billy's touching me. I don't like how YOU do it. Billy's touching ME! I want Miss So and So back. BILLY'S TOUCHING ME!"


Really? WTF? Billy...stop touching people for God's sake! You want Miss So and So back, huh...well, I want a beer right about now. First lesson learned today...you don't always get what you want!


9:15 am - Trying to get everyone onto the carpet...Kids running all over the place..I YELL...they CRY...I am NOT doing well.  . One little girl tugs on my skirt and yes, pulls it down.  I'm guessing mooning 1st graders is probably against some kind of rule.

9:20 am - Finally get most of the kids sat down and THEN....a fight breaks out! A chubby little boy and a twiggy little girl are goin' at it! Rest of the kids start to scream...I jump in and pull them apart. Now what? I haul them down to the office (ummm...yeah, I left the classroom...another No No!)

9:25 am - Return to classroom. (Note to self: DO NOT leave a classroom full of 1st graders unattended..not even for a second!) Kids once again running all over the place.

9:30 am - Guess who's back...yep, Joe Frasier and Muhammad Ali. The principal walks them back to class!  WHAT? I don't want them back...I GAVE them to YOU...YOU are suppose to KEEP them!

I have decided at this point that I am going to get my tubes tied.


The rest of the day doesn't get any better. My little fighters go to opposite corners. One sits on the ledge staring out the window. The other one crawls under a desk and refuses to come out. (Which, by the way, I am FINE with)

Lunchtime rolls around...time to get in line and go to the cafeteria...easy enough.

Think Kindergarten Cop ...the fire drill scene...all classes walking in a single file line, quietly and politely. MY class running around like wild animals.  I have now conceded that I have lost ALL control. Oh, who am I kidding...I NEVER HAD control!

Those kids OWNED me.  They smelled FEAR and they pounced!

The end of the day finally arrives..the kids are gone...I am sitting at the desk...numb. I can't move. The principal sticks his head in the door. He looks at me and smiles.

I'm not sure the kids learned anything valuable that day, but I sure did.

1st Graders SUCK ASS!