Monday, May 11, 2009

The Countdown is On...

So in less than 48 hours I will be in Washington (the State of, not D.C.). It has been a month since I've seen Joel and although we talk and text everyday I have been missing him like crazy. I don't want to over dramatize this, I mean there are many people that live without their loved ones for much longer than a month, but nonetheless, I can't wait to see him. With that said, I am also scared, nervous, and full of guilt. Scared and nervous because I am travelling across the country and because change is a scary thing for me. Which should be pretty obvious to most since I was born and raised in the same area that I went to college and then chose to go back to to teach and coach. I've never been ashamed that I chose to stay home rather than go off to see the world like some of my other friends. I love my family and my friends and have had a good life so I have been content, but there is something to be said for stepping outside of your comfort zone. I am even a little proud of myself for taking this leap, but even so I would be lying if I didn't say I was scared to death. I believe it has been said that bravery is not the lack of fear but going forward in spite of it. The fear and nerves is nothing compared to the guilt I am feeling over this adventure though. Most of you reading this are probably well aware that my dad is very ill and has been for quite some time. The pain and misery he has had to suffer is inhumane as far as I'm concerned. And yet through everything he remains positive and determined. He is truly remarkable. My mom is incredible and takes care of him when he is home and when he is in the hospital or at the nursing home she never misses a day of spending time with him. I think far too often we forget how hard a chronic illness is on the caregiver as well as the person who is ill. She never complains, she just keeps taking care of him and loving him the way she has always done for all of us. I respect and admire her so much. My brother is living with my parents and helping out with my dad. He has been great and my dad tells me all the time what a great help he has been. The other part of Todd staying with them is that my parents get to see their grandson all the time, which regardless of anything else, is the best medicine for both of them. It's funny, but no matter how rotten a day is a 5 yr. old can always make you smile! So here my family is struggling through such a difficult time and I am running off across the country. There is a lot about that that doesn't sit well with me, but I also know that I will always be able to find reasons NOT to do this so I just have to find a way to come to grips with this. The reality is that we didn't really "choose" to set out on this adventure out of the blue. A series of circumstances have led us here and so we have chosen to embrace the changes and make the most out of the situation. I pray we are doing the right thing...I guess this is where I need to have a little faith.
On the lighter side...whew..about time for the lighter side I think...Joel says Washington is beautiful and the weather is great. I can't wait to see that part of the country and meet new people. I can't say I've ever even thought about going to Washington so this is an unexpected opportunity and I am going to try and make the absolute most of it. So in about 40 hours I"ll be "Leaving on a Jet Plane"...and I'll let you know how this crazy ride goes...hang on, I think it may be a little bumpy a times!

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