Wednesday, August 11, 2010

A HARD Lesson to Learn...

Sometimes during the day I have these random thoughts that pop into my head. Well O.K....MOST days I have random thoughts, but on this particular day I was remembering a day from my college Water Safety course. It wasn't that bad of a class really, I learned a lot about what to do in water emergencies which was pretty cool. However, one day definitely stood out more than any other.

We were talking about how to stabilize someone on a back board. Our professor had us all in the shallow end and was demonstrating the procedure to us. He called for a volunteer, and this one guy that we called Kramer (man did he have some crazy ass hair) jumped at the chance.  So Kramer became our "victim" and it was our job to get him on the board safely and stabilize his head. Exactly like that picture up there. Simple...right?

Well...things don't always go exactly as planned.  We were able to position Kramer on the board and turned him over so as not to drown the poor bastard...Yay, bonus points for us!! We got his head stabilized...and the straps tightened so he couldn't move....COULD NOT MOVE...this will be very important later in the story!

Once we had him safely secured, the instructor had us all surround Kramer as he discussed our efforts. I happened to be standing directly at his waist. Things seemed to be going well and then IT happened (do you  know what I'm about to say). As poor Kramer is strapped down to this board and CANNOT MOVE he gets an ERECTION!  His suit is sucking to him like it was vacuum sealed and there he is in all his glory with a big ole' boner! It was like a bad want to look away, but you just can't.  What is our professor doing this whole time you ask? Yep...he is just going on and on about the exercise and has NO CLUE what is going on.

Now I don't know about you, but I have NO IDEA what the proper protocol is for a situation like this. Since I'm standing right at his waist should I reach over and try to release his suit so it's not quite so obvious? Should I fake a heart attack so I can distract everyone from the elephant in the room (no pun intended)? Well, whatever the PROPER thing to do is, I am POSITIVE what I DID do was NOT it! Instead, I stood there and giggled like I was 12.  It was one of those situations where laughing was so inappropriate and the more I tried NOT to laugh the harder it was to control.

THANKFULLY....Kramer must have started to think about his grandmother or something because after what seemed like an eternity (and I'm sure it seemed longer for Kramer than any of us) his "predicament" subsided.

The lesson I walked away with that day was significant.....NEVER volunteer to be the victim.  I know Kramer learned that lesson the HARD way!


  1. OH! MY! GOD!

    Can't! STOP! Laughing!!!!

  2. That was MY reaction too, however, much more inappropriate when the guy is laying there so vulnerable. It must have been our bathing caps that did it for him!

  3. I am dying.

    Oh my god.

    Best water safety story ever.

    LOVE this!

  4. That completely has to be true because is it so freaking hysterical!! (came from finding the funny).

    1. Thanks for stopping by and YES..every last word is TRUE...Dreadfully. Unbelievably. True.

  5. I would have just died. Died. Did he at least have his eyes closed so you could pretend he was unconscious?? Wow. Maybe I would have 'accideintally' dropped him, board and all, into the pool!!

    1. Hmmm..eyes closed? I can't say for certain..I don't believe I looked him in the eyes...LOL!