Parlez-vous français?

No, I don't.

So imagine my surprise when I received my teaching assignment one year and it said I was teaching French. Not even Intro to French, but French II.

OBVIOUSLY, this was a mistake you are saying to yourself. And if you're not, you SHOULD be, because it would be ASININE to assign someone to teach a language they DON'T KNOW!

But that's exactly what happened.

According to the "powers that be", or as I lovingly referred to them, "the morons"....there was something about budget cuts, personnel reassignment...blah..blah...blah.  I really stopped listening, because I assumed that when I brought it to their attention that #1 I am not certified to teach French and #2 I don't KNOW the French language, that would be the end of such nonsense.

Ah..but alas, the nonsense continued...

I was told it would be an online class, therefore, I would really only be "supervising" the students. Hmmm...ok...well, what if they don't understand something or they have a QUESTION?  What shall I do with them then...Oh Johnny, stop with all this silliness of asking questions and expecting me to know the answer!  Now go sit back down at your computer and learn that there French would you.


Yes, I see this plan working out very well.

THEN, I'm told that...Oops.. the school has forgotten to actually sign up for this class so it may take a few days before they can actually begin the computer class... Lovely!

A few days, huh?  Let's try an ENTIRE quarter! Yes, for an entire quarter (of a semester long class) I had nothing for these students to do. I was told to "improvise"...SERIOUSLY, I swear I'm not making this up!

So for the first quarter I "improvised"...french food...french culture...anything I could come up with that had the word FRENCH in it.  My husband drew the line at french kissing though....bummer.

So, at the end of the class I have NO IDEA if those kids could speak a word of French, but boy did they have a keen understanding of french fries and french toast.

I'm hoping to teach Chinese in the near future..., I LOVE Chinese food...oh, and I have a great idea for a lesson in translating all those cool Chinese tattoos. (fingers crossed!)